"Within infinite myths lies an eternal truth. Who sees it all, Varuna has but a thousand eyes Indra, a hundred You and I, only two. "

Sunday, May 10, 2020

From Mom to Mamma ... my Journey

Today being Mother's Day got me reminiscing...

So growing up...MOM was someone who took care of you, made yummy pulao, bought us clothes, we went to buy groceries and other stuff with, gave us medicines when we were sick, basically someone who was a phone call away and just hearing her voice meant "Everything would be ok"; that I will be alright. She taught us to be responsible, independent and self reliant. 

Then came Appy...my effervescent 3 year old. It is like he had full control over me from the day I knew of his existence in my belly. He became the virtuoso, with me mesmerised in his tunes. Me a  workoholic, hate-to-stay-at-home kinda gal, took a complete 180° flip and decided to rest and take a break . Never had I looked forward to meeting a doctor every two weeks, now I waited eagerly for a sonography, just to get a glimpse of him.  God granted my wish to see him albeit, a little early.  Even admist the pain, chaos and anxiety the charmer knew how to enrapture. The most relaxing times were during the Kangaroo Mother Care sessions (KMC) when I got to hold him close, cuddle and feel him close to my heart. This living, breathing bundle of heart beats was mine to take care and nuture. 

Then we got him home, and all the reading, learning, all preparations came to an halt when I had to call his pediatrician within 10 hrs of getting him home, because I had wrapped him in 3 layers in the hot hot May summer and his temperature sore. ... from then to the next six months his pediatrician (bless his heart) was on my speed dial. I remember the night nurse and me sleeping like a ball on a 5 by 5 bed in my anxiety of not leaving him alone with her. I remember we staying awake till 5am because Appy had not taken a feed and then relaxing when he finally did and Dr Pradeep came into check on him at 6am. I remember the aweful time when Appy had the flu and I became a General nebulizing him 3 times in an hour, every 4 hours for 10 days, the time that he had to be admitted with a little cannula in his even tinner hand. Taking care of him, making him strong became my zeal passion and mission. 

It feels like yesterday when he turned 1 and then 2 and now 3. He is in preschool, and though I promised myself it was no big deal,  I cried dropping him off on his first day of school. My little baby had grown into a baby boy. Today he is eagerly learning from everyone and absorbing everything in and around him. He is a source of love, joy, endearment, naughtiness and a little being with his own sense of self. Everyday I look at him and admire the little miracle that Appy is for me. He is  my source of love, driver to hope and keeper of faith. His questions, gestures and unconditional love are a healing balm for my soul and spirit. Appy, You little pixie, for all your mischief-makings, still have me wrapped around your little finger and spellbound, all you have to say is -- MAMMA.